Anthropomorphinator
by scaryfangirl2001
Summary: Doof has a new invention to change his nemesis... Despite the consequences I STOPPED WATCHING THIS SHOW, SO THIS FANFIC IS DISCONTINUED
1. Chapter 1

disc. it says I don't own this show. poor me.

"Behold! My anthropomorph-inator!"

Perry stares at him blankly as the laptop beside him sprouts arms, locking him in place. Perry frantically presses the buttons across the keyboard. Doof only chuckles at this.

"The release button isn't there, Perry."

The platypus stops moving a moment to register the doctor said his name without his usual 'the platypus' suffix. Doof's face then softens.

"It isn't going to hurt you, Perry."

He raises an eyebrow, trying to scrutinize the doctor's face then chatters when he seems to be telling the truth. Doof then lets out a shaky sigh.

"I-I want to turn you human."

"Gruuuu?" Perry is ultimately confused.

"I mean, my great-great grandma was a goat and my parents were ocelots for a while but, even if you turn out as a kid I'd rather date a human than a platypus, no offense."

Perry holds his mouth agape, as if trying to decipher the threat. His confusion increases steadfastly when Doof had apparently advanced on him to deliver a hot kiss that has Perry almost melting. He manages to keep his cool, though he is sweating nervously as he runs a hand through Doof's pocket.

"Oh, Pe-e-ery " Doof calls to him quietly before dropping to a sultry tone. "That's not my remote."

Perry freezes as Doof chuckles. The doctor walks back behind his inator and watches the struggling platypus a moment. He tosses over a long T-shirt. Just as Perry reaches for it, Doof fires. After a blinding light subsides, there is a shaking teenager curled inside a long shirt.

"Norm! Get in here!"

"BUT DAD! YOU TOLD ME TO"

"Shut up, I'm not your dad, and scan this kid."

"YES SIR SIR, THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT. IT SAYS THIS IS PERRY THE PLATYPUS."

Doof facepalms. "It is, Norm. I just changed him a bit. How old is he?"

"MOM IS FIFTEEN, SIR."

"Fifteen, eh? He's younger than Vanessa."

"WHEN I SCANNED MYSELF, IT SAID I WAS SEVEN."

" Why did you scan yourself?"

"..."

"I'LL GO CLEAN IN THE BACK ROOMS, SIR."

"Damn robot." Doof mutters.

The teen stirs, struggling with the clothing. Doof gently tugs on the shirt, allowing Perry's teal tufts of hair to appear. He faces Doof with a curious expression.

"Um th-thanks."

Doof claps his hands with glee. "You can talk! We can communicate through more than just stares and guesses! Would you like some lunch?"

"o kay?"

"Pizza fine for you? I don't really feel like cooking."

Perry nods. Doof walks to the kitchen and sets out two paper plates, putting a slice on each. Perry has some trouble with his new legs and bare feet and Doof finds it cute. Doof and Perry are eating pizza on Doof's couch in a somewhat content silence, when Perry has to say something.

"How, ol- old am I?"

"Fifteen."

"Fifteen." He repeats. "You k-kissed a fif, a fifteen-year-old plat, platypus."

Perry starts to ramble about Doof's preferences, stumbling through a lot of the words. He sets his pizza down and begins talking with gestures even. Doof rolls his eyes and, having enough of this, decides to silence the long-winded teen. Doof cups Perry's head, causing him to turn toward the doc. In a swift motion, the pizza is forgotten and Doof invades Perry's mouth. Perry loses all speech as he loves this attention and what it is doing for him. Doof slowly lowers Perry onto his back, with the doctor only slightly pressuring him as they deepen the kiss. Neither of them hear the front door opening, but both hear Norm.

"HELLO, SIS!" 


	2. Chapter 2

"Sis?" Perry whispers against the doctor's lips.

They stay quiet, with Doof lingering, trying to think of what to say. Unfortunately, his robot beats him to it.

"Hey, Norm."

"DAD IS KISSING MOM."

"What? Mom?"

"PERRY THE PLATYPUS."

Perry makes an agitated face and Doof cringes. Vanessa is bewildered.

"What do you mean, 'Dad's kissing Perry the Platypus'?"

"MOM IS NO LONGER A PLATYPUS. DAD MADE PERRY HUMAN."

Vanessa's eyes widen. She glances toward a broken -inator, then to pizza on the counter, then back to Norm. He remains smiling.

"Where- Where are they?" She chokes out.

"ON THE COUCH." Norm points directly toward them.

Vanessa wills herself to march over. Doof finally moves off of Perry and wobbles toward his daughter.

"You, you turned Perry human."

"Yeah." He rubs the back of his neck. "Sorta. Yeah, I did."

". So you could kiss him?"

". And other things." He feels awkward having this conversation with his daughter.

Perry sighs a little while Vanessa gags at the extra information. Then, in comes Norm again, making everyone all the more uncomfortable.

"WILL I HAVE A NEW BABY SISTER OR BROTHER?"

". I'll be in my room." Vanessa doesn't look at anyone, passing Perry with her eyes glued to the floor.

"I WOULD LIKE TO HA"

"Shut it, Norm." Doof growls.

His robot 'son' obliges and walks to the backrooms with a slice of pizza for his squirrel. Perry's face is in a full-blown blush. He is sweating heavily and Doof throws him a pair of pants.

"C'mon. I can't stay in this apartment any longer. Put these on."

Perry is about to question exactly how to put them on when he is interrupted by Doof's cell phone. He glances at the ID then lets out a slow breath before answering.

"Hey, Charlene."

"Heinz. Vanessa just told me something, peculiar. And not 'world-domination' weird either."

"It's only 'tri-state area domination', Charlene, and I'm not really doing that anymore."

Perry looks up quizzically from his task at hand, overhearing Doof's last remark.

"Okay. Um, anyway, Heinz. Vanessa tells me you're seeing someone new. and."

"Oh, God, Charlene." Doof growls at his ex-wife. "Yes, I'm fucking gay. Why the hell didn't our marriage work? That's why! I married you 'cause my last relationship didn't pan out, we had Vanessa, I realized I was gay and we divorced. Ya happy now?"

"I. um. My cooking classmate invited us to her house for some fancy dinner since her boys are heading to college and her daughter is graduating. Since Vanessa is graduating too. Would you and your boyfriend like to come?"

". When is it?"

"Heh. Um, in five hours."

"You weren't planning on letting me know, were you?"

". No."

"We'll be there."

He hangs up before she can say anything else. Perry has the pants on. Doof rolls his eyes and zips them up before calling for Norm.

"YES, DAD?"

"Ugh, watch Vanessa. Perry and I are going out."

"OKAY. HAVE FUN, DAD. HAVE FUN, MOM!"

When Doof and Perry are in the elevator, the teen turns to the man. "How long, has he been, calling me Mom?"

Doof shrugs. "I can't remember a time when he wasn't. oh yeah. it was when I got released from jail because of that whole thing with Diminutive."

Perry raises an eyebrow, not really remembering this.

"Yeah, and Norm wanted to prove himself to me and went rogue. Tried to destroy the tri-  
state area. and you."

"You, stopped, him."

"Yeah, we had a long talk when I got out. A long, violent talk. He started calling you 'Mom' after that."

Perry tugs on his collar. "And you, never corr-ec-ted him?"

"What's the point? I'm not his father, but he always fucking calls me that."

Perry bites his lip. "I never noticed, how much, you cuss."

"We haven't really spent a lot of time outside of fighting, Perry. And when we did, I normally cursed in German. You just didn't pick up on it." 


End file.
